The women of miracles have started this thread becase we felt we all have a lot to share about rehab and our time there lessons, pain, and just the funny day to day antics of that first glimpse at a new life. The ones that stayed and helped us continue those that left and we wonder still today. Like so many we started our journey in a recovery facility of some sort. We learned how to and sometimes how not to live this new life of recovery. Please feel free to add your story of a day in the life of rehab. If nothing else this will be a wonderful referance and message of hope for the new commers to follow us.
I know my first day in rehab was humorous everyone surronding the new girl and of course i had to show up with hikies on my neck which I obtained on the bus to lousianna me and my addict behavior lol i was welcomed and scared all at the same time. so of course i had to to be a big bad bitch lol my therapist broke me down pretty quick. But I was grateful thatI was beginning a new way of life.
ok my first remember when of my recovery home, called Cinnamon Toast, was arriving on the Friday of Superbowl weekend. It was also my first resentment in recovery, stuck in a house full of women when I could be in a bar full of guys watching football. Well they left me alone for the Friday and Saturday to settle in and in my head they all hated me. Gotta love that addict brain that knows what everyone else is thinking. Sunday came and they passed on their shows to let me watch my first clean football game, of course the mind still said they hated me yatta yatta. I came upstairs for a smoke and the girls were sitting at the dining room table eating and talking. I just lost it thats it if they didn't want to eat with me or be with me I would show them I'm leaving. Now a little background here, the house in located in Alton On at least 20 miles from even a small town and our closest neighbour is a good 10 min walk away. But I'll show you I'm leaving, did I forget to mention it is Jan 30th and there is over three feet of snow. Out the door I go with just my purse, nothing in it of course, who shows up a detox with anything? If I had money I would still be out there. Maybe thats just me. So I announce who needs you(can't leave without a scene they need to know they did this) and out the door i go full of self rightousness. A girl I hadn't met yet came in the door from a weekend away. She just smiled and said sorry to see you go and take care. WELL down the 1/4 mile driveway unplowed, shovelling was one of the first tasks a newcommer learned to hate. As I made it to the road with no lights I realized my situation and how it really reflected my life at that point. I had no where to go, no more options, clever plans. Cold and afraid behind me was at least a warm bed and the game was still on. I didn't know it at the time I was learning my first lesson of many on surrender as I trudged back. Quietly in the door nothing was said, no I told you so's and the hot chocolate was on. Can't remember what was to eat but it was good and I never did watch the rest of the game. It was the start of my road to recovery and my journey to being a woman. PS I still watch football but also include time to spend with my women friends of the program as from that day forward I was one of them and no longer alone.
oh rayne you rock i am still laughing yes thats the stuff i think we are really one to something here. I will be checking everyday to read your guys stuff. Its reall and from the heart. Thank you. :)
First rehad I was 22 years old. This was LONG TERM treatment 18-24 months, Tum Est was the name of the program it was hardcore, counselors were people who graduated Synanon a drug treatment and communiy from back in the 70's.
Anyhow after 6 months I escaped while on a work program we had, I was in my home town and I thought my Mommy would let me back in her house, welp not her or anyone else was about to let me stay and I was returned to the program via Moms boyfriend.
I eventually became the house manager and was offered a college education to become a counselor but fell in lust with a girl and split the program after 16 months, had my own office and ran that house like I was king and just walked away one day with the girl.
Bad idea this chic was a hardcore intravenous drug user and soon enough I was shooting drugs with her and within 6 months I landed in a prison yard.
SOmething happened to me in the program one night, I had a dream and it came from my higher power. He told me I had a long journey ahead of me. I was in a boat paddling downstream, the current started picking up and i tried desperately to paddle to shore but the current grew stronger and stronger then I saw what lied ahead, Falls, I went over the falls, falling thru the mist of the waterfall two huge hands came up out of the mist and cought me and a voice told me " I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO CATCH YOU MY SON".
And he has always been there, always saved me and caught me when I fell, he's picked me up off my knees so many times I can't honestly count.
Now 23 years later I just might be getting something here, I hope.
I have story upon story I was once in an all black program, everyone was african American and many hated me. One day i pissed a couple brothers off and they decided they were going to take me out, we were all excons, so I went and got a knife out of the kitchen and hid it in my room, once everyone was in bed I heard my door crack open and there one of them standing there with a pencil in his hand LOL I pull out the 10 inch butcher knife and told him to comeon in, he went to the counselors and snitched me out and I was taken away by the police, BUT I was alive
I was a real piece of work most of the time I just did these rehabs for a place to live, I was becoming institutionalized and didn't believe i'd ever be able to take care of myself, what a lie what low selfworth, I didn't value my life much at all I was a piece of garbage, i'm not garbage today and I don't hate myself either like I thought I did and all those places I went to people tried so hard to help me, every single one of them.........
Great idea Bunny, well the place I went for treatment was a day program so you had to prove that you could stay clean before they would even consider taking you on. I did the per-treatment like a good little girl and was so sure I would get in to the next session. When I got the call I was so excited until they told me sorry, your drug test count is too high. Well thank god I was already coming to meetings and had a sense of how this thing was done cause I surely would have flipped out but I didn't. I calmly asked if there was any way I could get in because I knew I was ready for this. That was my first evidence of a higher power working in my life, when I was on hold waiting for a reply someone had called and canceled there appointment with the Dr. that I needed to see to allow me to go. When she said can you be here in 1/2 hour I said yes give me 5 min. I got my excited ass over there and told them you wont be sorry for taking me. Today one of my service positions with NA is bringing a meeting to that treatment center. They are grateful for my help and we laugh now about how eager I was in the beginning and continue to be today. What a great memory Sandra
I am so excited this is catching on alot of us ladies were up last night just playing and being goofy then this we welcome guys stories as well hoping to share how our new lives began!!!!! Love to all Manon aka Rayne
I just got outa rehab 8 days ago and let me tell you; rehabs in Egypt are something else. It's a prison with solitarty confinement, restrictive medication, and straight out cold-turkey detoxification. It was heavy but it works. I can't believe i'm sober now for a month tomorrow. I'm doing the 90/90 and i can't wait till the next meeting. I've been in rehabs much longer than this time (this time was only 21 days) but this was the most effective. I never really wanted to quit and always quit for any other reason than for honestly wanting to. I don't really have a rehab tale other than that it was a total nightmare for the first 8 days and then got better. I'm glad i'm alive and sharing this with all of you.
I'm glad your alive and here to share your recovery with us too. Getting clean for your self is the only way that it works I believe, so with that attitude your off to a great start. Congrats on the 30 day's !!!
magellan thats a experience strength and hope expereince in itself please i would love to hear more about what they did there did you have program if so what how many women men? Wow hearing how other countries are dealing with this disease is very interesting i mean we never know and recovery is such an individual expereince that there is no set way to deal with it so I am very interested in how other people started too and continue to stay clean. I think we spend far to much time talking about how we relasped and not about how we strung those clean days together. looking forward to hearing more from you. Bunny
First time I went to a rehab in '99, I was suggested that I take an aftercare stay of 3 months after my 29-day detox and therapy sessions. When I insisted that the first one month was enough and there was no need for an additional 3 months, and that I would not use again, the intake counselor told me that given a chance I would use again... I laughed at her then, and did not realize the truth of what she said until I came out and relapsed within a couple of days...
I was in and out of rehabs for the next 4 years, maybe over a dozen times or so, before I realized that there is no way I could do it on my own, and was so hopeless and sick and tired of relapsing that for the first time I opened my mind to the possibility that maybe what these people in the rehab say is true. Maybe they can really help me. I concluded that if I could try all that I could and fail miserably, what harm in trying out what these people suggested? So I surrendered to my Counselor and started opening up. I'm grateful to this counselor, my fifth one at the same rehab, who was the first one to open my mind to spirituality instead of trying out the regular therapy techniques that seldom seemed to work for me.
The love and compassion I got from this counselor, coupled with my introduction to spirituality is what finally worked for me...
Before that, I was counseled, reasoned, controlled, threatened and punished over 4 years of rehab life, but I seldom submitted... the moment I was accepted and respected for who I was, and was still loved and cared for, I surrendered with all my heart...
I'm grateful to my first counselor for breaking my walls of denial one by one... I'm grateful to my second counselor... she was the best interventionist who always rescued me at the right time... I'm grateful to my third counselor who told me once when I had given up hope that my greatest strength lies in the fact that I keep coming back for help no matter what... she made me aware of that one quality in me that made a difference to my recovery... I'm grateful to my fourth counselor who made me realize what I'm actually capable of... that I can, after all, live life on life's terms...
And most of all, I'm grateful to the 3 wardens of the rehab who were recovering alcoholics and addicts, and who introduced me to the basics of the 12 step program, and also to all those AA and NA members who brought the meetings inside the rehab for us every week, my first encounter with alcoholics and addicts who, indeed, had given up drinking and using, and were able to live for years, sober and clean... Their shares provided me with that elusive ray of light in the midst of all that darkness then...
-- Edited by Tahir at 16:01, 2007-03-25
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Right on EVERYONE we're all family here who have been down the same road.
ESPECIALLY want to congratulate and welcome Magellan hopefully that was the first and your last rehab experience.
recoveryrabbit I had God on my side LOL I was invited back last year by one of the counselors I ran into at the supermarket, might do that one day i'm not as brave as I used to be ( or is that just foolishness I was going thru?)
Thank you all. I really feel I belong here and it feels good. I'll tell you what it's like here Rabbit. Egypt is plagued with heroin addiction. The numbers are stagerring among its high population of almost 80 million. Yes, we do have the NA program, and in the capital city of Cairo there are several meetings each day somewhere or another. I attend both NA and AA meetings both in Arabic and in English. My mother is from North Cal. in case you were wondering. The problem with rehabs here is that they are actually mental hospitals where psychiatric and addiction patients are placed together, an unforgetable experience for sure but it sure works. I went into a heavy withdrawal as my dose was insane and they basically locked me up and let me sweat it out (pretty dangerous). I started attending NA meetings at day 14 and got a sponsor last week and am working on step 1. I'll tell you more this evening, gotta run for now. I'm at work and boss is calling.
Hi Magellan, welcome to Miracles In Progress I'm Tahir, a grateful recovering addict from India. Glad that the worst part of physical withdrawals is over for you. Happy to know that you make meetings now, have a Sponsor and are on with the Steps, right on... you are at the right place at the right time with the right people I guess... as long as we follow this way, we have nothing to fear, and all will be well...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I had completley forgotten that we talked about doing this. I lloked on the board and it all came back to me.
I eneter rehab in June 2004, this was the second time I had been to this hospital. The first time was for detox a year before. I walked in and was asked all those questions. Strip searched and told to go wait in the kitchen.
I walked into the kitchen and there stood my childhood friend Denise. I had not seen her in over a year and istantly was relieved that I knew someone there. Rehab became fun. I had already made up my mind that I was going to stay clean and I was there because I did not have anywhere to go. I did not have a habit because I was homeless and it was hard getting money together. I had kicked dope in jail about six months earlier.
Denise and I laughed and laughed. We had this guy come in who had tats all over his body. The funniest one was he had horns on his farhead. We were in a cathloic hospital and there was a nun who ran some groups. To tell you the truth she was annoying. She had no experience with drug addicts and it showed. During a group she aksed me why I did drugs, to be a wise ass I told her in a devilish voice "the devil made me do it". I got through rehab with humor.
I seriuosly wanted to stop and had been too rehab before. It was a means to an end for me. I had no where to g. The rehab had set up an appointment with a halfway house in Montclair, NJ. The rehab sent me with my bags packed. I got there and I was shocked. The owner of the house looked like a pimp. He began to scream at me as it was my fault I was sent there with my bags pack. I knew this guy was an asshole, but i had no where to go.
I was the only white chick in a house of 14. I had not grown up in a mixed area and had no idea what was in store for me. The first couple of days was rough. Comments being made about my race, women getting in my face. I ignored it at first, but then one morning I stood up for myself. The women said "took you long enough". The guy who owned the house would constantly put us down and would tell me " I am not going to let you put me back on a plantation". I was like he was never on a plantation. We never had any money, but the state had paid him for us. All and all he was a jerk off just tryiong to make money. He would tell us he was helping us, yeah helping himself to everything we had. Ralph Mc Millian is currently under investagation for abuse, fraud, and theft.
We had some strange women in our house. I would joke that we needed cameras and we would be the most popular reality TV show. I laugh as I think of this one woman. Viola, Viola was an older woman with a little education. We were roommates. Every monring she would wake me up by talking in the mirror. I am a grouch and the last thing I want at 5am is someone talking to themselves. LOL. Viola and I were in Pathmark oneday. She wanted the candy DOTS. It was labor day weekend and they did not have any. Viola went into a a rage and was sceaming " I want my motherfucking dots" all I could do was laugh. She was erious and I could not believe that DOTS had gotten her so riled up. The manager of the store came over and asked her what the problem was. She told heim " I want my motherfucking DOTS" Ok at this point I was about to pee. The manager asked us to leave and told Viola not to come back. I have teased her fpr almost three years about this.
I got into a fight with the woner of the halfway house on Dec 8, 2004. He would constanly tell me to get out of his house. I had had enough. He told me about the plantation thing again and this time I stood up and told him he was never on a plantation and if he thought I owed him something because I was white he was sadly mistaken.
For the next couple of months I stayed with my CADC and when her family moved I had no choise and was placed in a homeless shelter in Irvington, NJ two blocks out of the worst neighborhood in Newark. I was kind of in shock. Dealers, Prostitutes, Thugs, and Gang activities. There were drugs everywhere, but I had an honest desire to stay clean.
I had 9 months at that point and knew it was time to find a sponsor. I asked a woman who was 2 years younger than me, and had 14 years clean at the time. I had a really hard time because I am gay and I was not sure I was asking because I liked her or that I wanted her help. She was very caring and gentel. She knew I was not too fond of telling strangers my business. I would call her and she would only keep my on the phone a couple of minutes. Evryday it was a coupl more, and at times she would let me get her machine. One night we talked for almost three hours. I found out that even though we did not do the same things we still had the same feelings. I had found someone who loved me unconsitionally and that was awesome.
Against all odds I survived the ghetto. I will be finally able to move May 1st. I have lived there almost two and a half years. 1st at the shelter, and then in my little apartment. I am grateful to the wome who ran the shelter. They had welcomed my with open arms. The support I got was unbelievable. NA saved my life and helped me stay clean no matter what.
Donna thank you for being so real and honest you are one of the true miracles of recovery and yeah not all recovery places and halfway houses are good and kind and fluffy. We need to show all sides of this. I remember my sponsor pulling the car over when i told her one night NA ain't that healthy. She said good for you girl it took me 7 years to figure out what you say in 3. But clarify it NA; is a perfect program for less than perfect people. Clean time without work and steps is just addict behavoir without the drugs.
its funny as we have started this I have spent a lot of time in my head thinking about that time in rehab and my recovery home. This one seems like the one i want to share.
I was at the house and a friend from NA was coming up to take me to the one NA meeting they had in Orangeville as our house only went to AA meetings. So up he comes and I say I will be back at 9:30pm and off to the 7:30pm meeting. The first part is I see a man that had brought the meeting into the detox I was at and went to say thank you. The first reply is Bunny you do have eyes. What? Yeah is said every time I saw you, you were looking at the floor and lets face it your hair covered your face. You look better. I am better I reply, telling him I am at Cinnamon Toast and living with 5 other women in recovery. Bet your getting no pats on the ass there he said and walked off. I was a little offended at the time by the comment but as a stayed in recovery I realized that yeah as long as i hung only with men weather in bed or otherwise i would never stay clean. I had to learn how to stand on my own two feet as a person as well as a woman in recovery. I am grateful for the comment yes NA is our eyes and ears. To this day when I see this man in the rooms and at conventions i get tears in my eyes for I know by gentling guiding me to the women, I forgot to mention that night he sent the women at the meeting over to give me their numbers, he gave me the gift of recovery. ON a side note that night because it was a medallion i was late getting back to the house my first night out and was grounded to the property for 2 months yep even today, I make it a point to be where I say i will be and when I will be. Today I am in recovery and I am responsible.
