Hi I just joined this forum because I really needed some help or inspiration to just get through today and move forward in my recovery again. I was clean for about 4 months and I decided that I could drink and be able to handle it because I hadn't drank in so long. Well boy was I wrong I drank alot of taquilla and blacked out I managed to throw my engagement ring out of a moving car tried fighting my friend told my boyfriend horrible things. broke stuff and my mom said I almost tried to kill myself. I feel terrible about what I've done. I was ready to run away from every thing because of these terrible things I feel like I destroyed my life over night. I was doing so good and I don't know if my boyfriend is going to forgive me. What do I need to do to feel better about myself and move past this tromatizing event. I know I can't drink and I havent since last night but inside I hurt so bad and I feel like a fool.
Someoe once said that most of us who end up getting and staying clean get it thru the "Educational variety" in other words its a learning experience you've just found out what you cannot do, so add that to the list of NO NO's.
It's ok you have gained wisdom wisdom is often earned then learned then you share it with others like yourself, you are growing, growth is often painful.
It is what it is. Accept it and gladly welcome your relapse as a learning experience. Figure out where you went wrong, what suggestions you didn't follow and what you need to get on track.
Thanks for helping me with your post. I have 4 months now and I am going to work harder myself. I wanna live today.
It took me 5 years of relapsing and getting clean before I could internalize the fact that I could not ingest any form of mind or mood altering substance, ever. It doesn't have to take that long for you. Use this as a blessing to teach you that lesson and avoid the pitfall of forgetting that alcohol is a drug. I understand how devastating the destruction caused from that one night is, but that's what the steps are for; first to keep us clean, then to help us clean up the damage and prevent us from causing more damage. It's a very good sign that out of all the things you could have done the day after such an experience, you came here. Use the tools one day at a time and you will be okay.
Your post hit me deep in my heart. We understand your feelings of guilt and remorse. Saving up time in our recovery is a good thing, but sometimes we loose it by bad choices. I had eight years clean when I decided to take a drink. Like you, it eventually ended up very ugly, many black out drunks, I said and did things that I am VERY ashamed of. However I am here to tell you that it gets better after going back to meetings and staying clean. It may take some time, but it gets better.
In my experience... I much wanted to keep my 20 year marriage in tact and didn't want to lose my wife. However I also knew that it was a possibility that it could happen, that she would finally leave me and never let me see my family again. It fact the odds were tipped against me. I accepted the fact that it could be the end and what was MOST important was that I take corrective action for MYSELF and whatever happened at work, family, living conditions, etc was secondary and my recovery HAD to come first. I am happy and grateful to report that I still live with my family and things are much better. After I got clean [for me] the rest sort of fell into place.
I wish you the best and offer my warm sincere best wishes in your recovery. Sometimes there are disappointments along the journey, hopefully we learn from them and move on.
I hope things get better for you and try not to beat yourself up too much. It happened, we cant erase our mistakes, we can only be responsible for what we want to do about them. We try to remember how bad it feels so that we avoid letting it happen again in the future.
