"The purpose of a searching and fearless moral inventory is to sort through the confusion and the contradiction of our lives so that we can find out who we really are."
Basic Text p. 27
Using addicts are a confused and confusing bunch of people. It's hard to tell from one minute to the next what they're going to do or who they're going to be. Usually, the addict is just as surprised as anyone else.
When we used, our behavior was dictated by the needs of our addiction. Many of us still identify our personalities closely with the behavior we practiced while using, leading us to feel shame and despair. Today, we don't have to be the people we once were, shaped by our addiction; recovery has allowed us to change.
We can use the Fourth Step inventory to see past the needs of the old using life and find out who we want to be today. Writing about our behavior and noticing how we feel about that behavior helps us understand who we want to be. Our inventory helps us see beyond the demands of active addiction, beyond our desire to be loved and accepted—we find out who we are at the root. We begin to understand what's appropriate for us, and what we want our lives to be like. This is the beginning of becoming who we really are.
Just for today: If I want to find out who I am, I'll look at who I've been and who I want to be.
Using addicts are a confused and confusing bunch of people. It's hard to tell from one minute to the next what they're going to do or who they're going to be. Usually, the addict is just as surprised as anyone else.
MAN thats me totally, i've been told by friends that they're not sure how to treat me or talk to me at times because they're never sure about who i'm going to be. Am I going to be the calm easy going guy or the insane loud angry person.
I am begining to work the 4th step alot more during times thru out the day and it helps big time.
I have an idea of how I want to be so I try to stay focused on that when epsecially aggitated or frustrated.
Yesterday my girlfriend started grating on my nerves, I started to yell then stopped, I calmed myself and something came out of my mouth so calm it scared me LOL and she loved it, I think it surprised even her, no idea where it came from it felt deep down inside and I liked the feeling I had saying it and also actually felt the calm rather then the shame of going off on her.
Maybe becoming who we really are isn't so bad and its OK to be who we really are rather then what our addiction dictates us to be.
