I'm feeling so sad today. I ended a relationship approx. 3 months ago. He uses drugs and Alcoholic. I'm in Al-Anon and it really helps because I want to recover. I realize that I get addicted to people and treat people better most of the time than I treat myself. He is such a good guy. He always wanted to make me happy and was very kind to me most of the time.98% of the time. Every once in awhile he could be a jerk over the phone if he drank too much and was busy with his stuff around the house. We live an hour away so I only saw him on the weekends. He would call me every night during the week and always be drinking. Because I loved him, I tried to ignore it. I prayer alot about it, but I quess I didn't pray for the right thing. I should of asked GOD for help in making a decision to stay or leave. It started to get to me as much as I did not want to, I couldn't help it. I started to get a little obsessive about It and started noticing more and more about how much he was using. I guess I didn't want to see it at first. Like I said, he's a great guy if I even know who he is. I don't if I ever saw him really straight for more that a couple hours at a time. Usually in the moring. He really seemed to enjoy life and always told me that his life was great. He has a great job he loved to keep busy and do fun things on the weekend. During the week, he would islolate from the world because he would starting drinking/using as soon as he got home from work. Once he starting drinking he knew he could not drive. He also seems to be addictive to working at home. Never stopped until he hit the bed and probably passed out. Not sure, but when I talked with him at night I could tell he had been drinking. Well today I'm asking myself if I did the right thing. I miss him so much. When I broke up with him, I told him never to call me again that he had a problem that he loved his addiction more than he loved me. Now I'm struggling did I do the right thing. It hurts to live without him I have a big fat void in my life. I still think of him all the time. I want to call, but I know I can't because I think he would reject me for hurting him and he might be dating.
Can someone help me. How do you know if you did the right thing. I'm not angry at him, I don't hold any bad feeling towards him. I only want the best for him. He never treated me bad and was very generous. He was always telling me he loved me. I could use some help.
You made a decision and for whatever reasons at the time you felt deeply about making that decision, I think maybe you saw some things you just weren't able to live with? it's your life to choose how you live it and with whom you live it with, not up to us to tell you it's right or wrong.
No outside person can tell you for sure if you made the "right" decision, but it sounds like you made it with love and prayer and breaking up was the answer you got. It could be exactly what he needed to have happen to him in order to change his life and stop using. If your relationship was as special as you describe, he must be hurting over losing it too and it might be that hurt that drives him to seek help. In any case, it was causing you stress and pain for things to go on like they were and you weren't doing him any favors by being there to keep him company and support him while he was drinking every night after work. Without you, the isolation may finally become painful enough to make some changes. Continue going to Alanon or Naranon for your own needs, as this will be essential in helping you get through this difficult time.
jazzygirl wrote: No outside person can tell you for sure if you made the "right" decision, but it sounds like you made it with love and prayer and breaking up was the answer you got. It could be exactly what he needed to have happen to him in order to change his life and stop using. If your relationship was as special as you describe, he must be hurting over losing it too and it might be that hurt that drives him to seek help. In any case, it was causing you stress and pain for things to go on like they were and you weren't doing him any favors by being there to keep him company and support him while he was drinking every night after work. Without you, the isolation may finally become painful enough to make some changes. Continue going to Alanon or Naranon for your own needs, as this will be essential in helping you get through this difficult time.
Thanks for responding, It made me feel better. His using did cause me alot of stress. I still care so much about what happens to him. I want to send him a card or a letter that I do care. Not sure what to do there. He doesn't believe anyone really cares about him. The only family he has left is his father and he thinks his dad only uses him. I think his dad has always been on the abusive side. He never really talks about him and when I asked questions, he always changed the subject. I know he's in alot of pain. I feel that when I broke it off with him, it only made him feel that see no one really cares enought about him. I sort of feel quilty about that, but I always know that I must take care of myself first. I'm having problems with my job. Probably going to lose it soon and my son is having issues with drinking. It has been too much for me to handle, so I broke up with him and told my son he had to move in with his father becaue of the way he treats me. I want to help my son and by asking him to leave I know will help him in the long run.At least I hope so. I feel like I have detached too much. I pray for him all the time and turn him over to GOD. I hate the way my life is going right now. I know I should have graditude, but it's hard right now. I guess I'm tired. I miss my boyfriend and son very much and feel so lonely. I love them both and want them to get better.
jazzygirl wrote: No outside person can tell you for sure if you made the "right" decision, but it sounds like you made it with love and prayer and breaking up was the answer you got. It could be exactly what he needed to have happen to him in order to change his life and stop using. If your relationship was as special as you describe, he must be hurting over losing it too and it might be that hurt that drives him to seek help. In any case, it was causing you stress and pain for things to go on like they were and you weren't doing him any favors by being there to keep him company and support him while he was drinking every night after work. Without you, the isolation may finally become painful enough to make some changes. Continue going to Alanon or Naranon for your own needs, as this will be essential in helping you get through this difficult time.
Thanks for responding, It made me feel better. His using did cause me alot of stress. I still care so much about what happens to him. I want to send him a card or a letter that I do care. Not sure what to do there. He doesn't believe anyone really cares about him. The only family he has left is his father and he thinks his dad only uses him. I think his dad has always been on the abusive side. He never really talks about him and when I asked questions, he always changed the subject. I know he's in alot of pain. I feel that when I broke it off with him, it only made him feel that see no one really cares enought about him. I sort of feel quilty about that, but I always know that I must take care of myself first. I'm having problems with my job. Probably going to lose it soon and my son is having issues with drinking. It has been too much for me to handle, so I broke up with him and told my son he had to move in with his father becaue of the way he treats me. I want to help my son and by asking him to leave I know will help him in the long run.At least I hope so. I feel like I have detached too much. I pray for him all the time and turn him over to GOD. I hate the way my life is going right now. I know I should have graditude, but it's hard right now. I guess I'm tired. I miss my boyfriend and son very much and feel so lonely. I love them both and want them to get better.
Lyn when we sacrifice for the good of something later something much better comes along, but we have to let go of it that we hold onto so hard.
You have no power over anyones life but your own we can wish and try to change others but there on there own course not yours. You take care of you and good things are headed your way.
That is what I've been trying to do is let go, but some days it's so hard. I hope that you are right that something good is going to come along. It's been an extremely hard winter for me. As far as taking care of myself, I really am trying to work on that and get to know me. I always am taking care of others and concern for what they need and want. I have learned that I'm so co-dependent. Yuk. I don't want to feel so much pain all the time,so I really have to change my thinking on a whole of things, which I'm doing. I really do care for this man and hate the fact that he can't see what is happening to him. I guess the denial is so strong when your in that state of mind. The best I can do for him is pray.
