“Reaching out is the beginning of the struggle that will set us free. It will break down the walls that imprison us. A symptom of our disease is alienation, and honest sharing will free us to recover.” Basic Text pg. 80
To reach out was a very hard thing for me for a very long time. It took time to find a place where I could admit my need for help. That place is N.A. Then it took practice to say it without hesitation anytime I had a problem that was to big for me alone. I was stuck for a long time in “me”. I built those walls up that imprisoned me and kept me isolated for quite some time. I did this to hide all my insecurities and deficiencies. I was convinced that no one else was like me, that I had a unique problem that no one else could understand. I busied myself looking for the differences, instead of the similarities. I told myself that I was better than certain groups of people and worse then others, never allowing myself to be equal. That kept me sick for a long time. It was only when I honestly felt my only options were to get help or die that I decided to find that help. I did not want to die. It took a few meetings to realize that you people could help me and even longer to stop finding the differences. However this program worked, one step at a time, and it’s still working in my life everyday. I will never be cured, but I do continue to get better. Thanks to my HP and you people in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous, who loved me until I could love myself and believed in me when I believed in nothing. Thank You
Isolation and alienation , go to the top of my list of worst defects, it keeps me sick.
When troubled this is usually the first place I think of going, I run, hide, isolate myself from anyone and everything. I don't want to be hurt anymore but what i take with me is writhing inside of me and thats what hurts.
Now days I try to find someone to at least listen to me and help me to sort things out so I can make some changes or see things as they really are, sometimes I make more out of something then is neccessary, I cvan be pety and bitchy LOL
The other day, I missed out on my regular meeting, and as a result, felt a bit sick and in need of a meeting. I knew there was another meeting later in the day, but it on the suburbs, many miles away from the town, and I did not know how to get there. I thought for a moment, and did what I use to do a lot as a newcomer in my first year of recovery. I called a member to check if he is going there, and if yes, to take me along too. He said that he is engaged and it wouldn't be possible. Then I called a newcomer, and asked him if he would be willing to come and if yes can he take me there in his bike. He was delighted and said yes. I went with him, had a lot of good time talking recovery stuff with him, and had a wonderful meeting and fellowshipping with guys whom I usually seldom meet in my part of town.
I had a situation, and I just needed to reach out... I never had to do it all alone, by trying to figure out how I can go about it... I ask and I receive...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
