This past year trying to recover from a 14 year mmt dependence and numerous active addictions, by myself, without the support of NA, or anyone who has been through it, has been an absolute nightmare. I was physically , socially , and spiritually destroyed.
For those of you that have known me and seen me on the meeting site, I wanted to thank you for the push. I have made a Face To Face meeting for the first time in 14 years. It was very strange experience for many reasons, and I did not say much but it was a huge relief. Since then I have found a meeting at the church I was baptised and grew up going to with my family until about age 16.
I was disappointed not being able to share this with you online at at a MIP meeting. Hopefully I will catch the next one.
I have a very long way to go. I need to get a sponser, and work the steps. However I am surviving and hopefully on my way to becoming someone I can be proud to be. I have to much to offer than to just be a recluse, and diserve better. Someone told me this program will change my life in ways I could never dream, and I am taking the leap of faith.
My main problem has been and probably still is a laziness to fully commit to the program.
It is become so engrained to be lazy about anything that does not guarantee me instant gratification that I have had to, and need to force myself to do the things that will heal me, and deal with the humdrum requirements of daily life.
All is very far from great in my life, however I have the faith it will get better, and wanted to share what has happened so far.
Thank you to all the meeting Chairs (Rayne,DJUnion,JasonD) and the "John" that started this site. And thank you for all those who have shared their experiences, and their experience in recovery.
For those of you that I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting please reply if you would like.
Thanks for reading,
John M
-- Edited by JohnM at 08:56, 2007-03-06
__________________
Thank You to all on this board that contributed to my participation in NA.
John its all about baby steps and finding out who you are and what you need to stay clean and sober.
you are lucky to have made it back look at it that way sometimes people don't get back, they die or go insane or get locked up your back now make it your duty to yourself to stay.
I'm lazy too and the older I get seems the lazier I get but you recognize that charecter in yourself work on it, what takes force today will be easy tomorrow.
I don't know you yet, but I hope to get to know you. I only recently became active on this forum.
Reading your post I can tell that you are moving in the right direction. Yes it can be tough at first and you will face some challenges, but that's how life is weather we're clean or not. The main thing is that YOU made a decision and YOU are taking action. You seem to have a good attitude and seem to be doing all the right things. Keep going to F2F meetings and connecting online and maybe by phone. Looking forward to seeing you here.
I had to look at this web browsers history to see that it had actually been over a week (it says two but it must be generallizing) since I have been at a MIP online meeting. And it has been much longer since I updated on this post.
I think last meeting I said I was feeling a ill. Well it actually became something relatively serious (influenza + pneumonia + blood count abnormality the doctors are investivating).
The fever is down to something reasonable, and I am on medication, and I am writing this, so I assume things will continue to improve.
Anyway thanks again to those of you that responded.
I was alarmed to see that the NA chat site was off the maps (I surmise now only during meeting times). But it did lead me to the meetings so if someone could enlighten me on what the status change is I would appreciate it.
-JohnM
__________________
Thank You to all on this board that contributed to my participation in NA.
, socially 
, and spiritually 
destroyed.
