I've been a member of AA and MIP/AA for a year and half now but this will be my first time visiting or posting on the NA board.......I find I need some es&h from a side of addiction I am not familiar with.
My 16 yr old son found himself in a lot of trouble today. He went to school high. When I got the call around noon, I was not shocked, he has dabbled with pot in the past, but I was saddened. I think mostly because I struggled with alcohol addition for over 25 yrs, his father (my ex for 15 yrs now) is a practicing drunk and recreational drug user still, and I guess I just wanted my son to "learn" from how tough things have been for me/us. As a recovering alkie, I know that doesn't work, but as a mother, I so desperately wanted that to be enough to keep my kid clean and sober......I was faced with having to make a very tough decision today, and I'm not sure I made the right one. Jail or Rehab. He, of course, wanted rehab and my first instict was to allow the school to call the law! But as soon as I said it, I felt that was a mistake.....Now I'm wondering if the right choice was made......I can't get him into a facility until tomorrow afternoon and I find I'm doubting that he needs to go to such extreme. Although, on the ride home from school he did admit he was using (and stealing) xanax. He was supposed to be with his father this past weekend. He wasn't. He told me he doesn't even remember the weekend..........He's admited today he's used cocaine, percocet, valium, but apparently his drug of choice is xanax.....He's very angry with me right now, because I'm so angry with him, so while I was in the shower he called his dad to come and get him.....His father is a joke. Refuses to admit he himself has a problem but wants to "fix" our son! How's that gonna happen I wonder, anyway, when we discussed rehab his biggest concern was how much was it going to cost! Why, I don't know, because he doesn't pay for anything and barely pays child support. I'll have to foot the whole bill for this too........My thought earlier today was it's time for the kid to be responsible for his own actions, so if he needs rehab, then I'll sell his truck to help pay for it. Extreme? tough love? ........I'm really, really angry right now and just don't know what to feel.....
I've never been on this side of an addiction. My drug of choice was always alcohol. I feel sure addicitoin is addiction is addition. And if that is the case, why can I not use my own es&h to help my child?
Sorry, if I rambled. I'm just not sure where my head is right now.....I feel just like I did when I first got sober.........Please, share with me whatever you think I may need to hear.
Jen you answered all of your own questions in one sentence/word or another, you need to keep doing what your doing and follow your instincts on this, you can depend on them becauseYOU KNOW ADDICTION .
Unfortunately it's your son that makes it a whole lot more personal, so getting outside opinions is important but from what I read you know what needs to be done, it's just going to be difficult.
My prayers will be with you that this young man comes around and understands what he's gotten into and what exactly it is he may be up against, all the red signal flares are blazing he's got a problem, honesty to himself will be his best friend but you know sometimes theres nothing any of us can do and you should and probably are going to come to terms with that, but theres always a chance and everyone deserves that.
My best wish's go with you and your son, your doing fine Mom.
I have to agree, it sounds to me that you already know what you have to do. It's just real tough doing it when it comes to our children. These are the babies we have always protected from everything, and now we have to let them go. As an addict I know that my parents could not help me the way they wanted to. I had to be locked down in rehab for a while before I could realize I wanted to be clean and I wanted a life again. Our Basic Text (the Big Book of NA) says on pg. 62 "they can be analyzed, counseled, reasoned with, prayed over, threatened, beaten, or locked up, but they will not stop until they want to stop". Thats when we have to accept we are powerless over others (including our children). Then realize that HP can restore them to sanity, and so on. The steps work on more than drugs and alcohol. Maybe just try it?
Benzo withdrawl is dangerous particularly from xanax. I know from experience. Treatment may be the best thing for him. Have some hope though, our lit says "An addict, any addict can lose the desire to use and find a new way to live."
I dont know why you think this is different than alcohol, you said it your self addiction is addiction. The thing that's different hear is its your son. I am a recovering addict with a 17 year old son that went through the same thing. About 8 months into my recovery I realised my son had a problem with drugs. My first reaction was just like yours fear and anger. I had to do what you are doing tough love, I did use my program to approach the situation with love and understanding rather than fear and anger but I was ferm and told him that's not happening under my roof. I told him his options like you did and he chose recovery. He did have a relapse and I just did it again the options recovery or the door. It's so hard as a mother to watch your child go down a road that you know from experience will destroy them. I think it would be a lot harder to sit back and let them do it. I guess what I'm trying to say is you did the right thing, he needs help and he probably wont take it from you...teenagers! I stay out of my sons program , we do go to meetings together but I give him his space and privacy. He has a sponsor and I prefer that he talks to him about whats going on ...I still need to sleep at night, and as a teen he really wont hear anything his mom says anyways. My son will be celebrating his first year clean in May. It goes without saying that I am one proud mom, but its far from easy. Lean on your program to help you get through this, and remember to just love him through it and let him find his own support. praying for you and your son, god bless Sandra
Thanks, so much......He got accessed today and it was decided to do outpatient. He meets with a counselor tomorrow morning.......I'm working my program, and he'll have to learn to work his own. However, THIS is the only chance he gets with me! Should there be a next time, it will be jail for sure!
Your thoughts, prayers, esh, and replies are greatly appreciated.
Sell the kid's truck. Sorry I'm posting on a lot of old posts I guess I'm really bored tonight. How's he doing anyway?
Lots of kids i know use prescription drugs and pot habitually but yours sounds pretty bad. Nobody I know uses it everyday. Pot, yes. Prescription drugs, no. It's not as easy to get.
If he's using once in a while I would say not to worry about him too much (I know everybody's gonna reem me for this one) but it's very common among high school/college students. His friends probably use too.
But he's stealing it??? Does he use it all himself or does he sell it?
I'm sure you'll try to help him as much as you can and you have to but no matter what he'll never listen to you, not at his age anyway. Unfortunately, he'll have to find his own way........
Jenna, good to hear from you again, long time I guess... glad to have you back...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
