Tracy a song for you

  Carrie Underwood  Wasted

Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It felt like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it

For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it

I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waitin' to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Another glass of whisky but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it.

Cause' I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waitin' to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missin'
But still every morning' the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while

Hey, yeah,
Oh, I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waitin' to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
But still every morning' the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

Oh, I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waitin' to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Yeah, yeah
Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
But still every morning' the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

But the drug gives you something that you already have inside you just have to be able to tap into it .

What alot of us want is the easier, softer, FASTER way, think about that.

This isn't easy it takes getting used to doing, it's work, if your done trying it your way try NA keep coming back, read the literature, attend some meetings get to know people and talk about yourself to them. Talk outloud I bet you find someone who's staying clean who's just , almost exactly like yourself Tracy we all have a common bond here and thats one reason this works we see others doing it.

1 day at a time, 1 minute at a time and sometimes 1 second at a time.

Thankx I'll print the literature and take it home...I'm at work now so it's hard to read it without people knowing.......
also.....ya know.....when i come off them...it just seems like my body is dying, i can't sleep or eat and i feel like dying.....which also forces me back to them.....

Hi Savage Beauty, welcome to MIP. Thanks for sharing with us. I can exactly relate to what you are talking about, as I have been like that for more than a decade, on happy pills and painkillers... And believe me, all that I thought these pills provided me with, they ceased to provide at the end part of my addiction, these pills themselves seemed to had become a problem until I finally realized the bitter truth that it's not the pills, nor the booze nor the heroine nor the hash which was creating such chronic unmanageability and pain in my life, but IT WAS ME! that I was severely and chronically sick physically, mentally and spiritually due to the disease of addiction that I have... When at the end, I had hit the bottom in all ways, I stopped... At that point, I could not and did not care what would happen of me without taking those pills... I was exhausted... the pain of taking those pills seemed more than the pain of not taking them... within a few days, my physical condition improved... I was out of the withdrawals within a week... and then, slowly, with the help of the fellowship and the meetings, I started dealing with my mental obsession, and was as desperate to find ways to cope with whatever life threw at me without having to use drugs as I was when I had to use them... Working the NA program on a daily basis made me see what I was doing, and how my denial did not let me see the possibility of a life without drugs... that I could function as any other human being without having to use... the hopelessness and despair that I felt while using was a complete deception and lie... the truth is "we do recover"... any addict, can lose the desire to use and find a new way of life without the use of drugs... I live this miracle today, drawing from the strength and hope I receive when I see others live in recovery... and I swear, so can you, Savage Beauty, if you truly desire it... Together We Can...

Keep coming back, we need you...

-- Edited by Tahir at 18:09, 2007-02-25

Hi Savage Beauty.  Welcome to our humble home.  You took a big first step in posting here.   You said you were afraid of seeking help because of fear of your children being taken away.  Most likely that wouldn't happen in treatment, as long as you were getting help and not neglecting them, but there is absolutely no risk associated with becoming a member of NA.  NA has a simple program to help you and your husband stop using and all it takes is you showing up at meetings, following the suggestions, and your desire to stop.  YOu have to be willing to do whatever it takes.  Work at it at least as hard as you worked at getting your scripts.  You don't seem to understand how dire your situation is.  Addiction leads to jails, institutions or death.  YOu haven't experienced any of those consequences yet, but getting help is not something you can put off and expect everything will be okay in the meantime.  Go to meetings and you will understand.  Also come join us in the chatroom for some good feedback and answers to your qustions. null

removed

-- Edited by VILyNBlackthorne at 06:24, 2007-03-12

welcome to hell is not appopriate for this msg board again ? ur motives

Hey Blackthorne i have been reading your posts from the gitgo since i been here I am a newcomer TO THE BOARD NOT TO RECOVERY  I sadly  see you have been censored oh well par for the course, you didn't really break anyone's anyonmity  so don't fear, there is paranoia and judgement in bushels full in NA as it sounds lke you already know.
 I want to say to THE POSTER  who replied to one of your posts abput choices..YO BRUTHA it seems to me Blackthorne here did not HAVE any choice about being screwed over by a therapist and I agree a therapist needs to be more intense its a malparctice when something like what Blacthorne has posted about the therapist or counselor is lucky yu don't goi after their license  .. i believe you have an excelletn cae  for that... and about the sponsor that screwed you over (quite literally ..sorry)  When newcomers come in to the rooms they are fresh off dope.. I myself was an addict for almost 40 years. and we  when we come into recovery are almost like deer frozen in the headlights..in semi shock in a a way.  and we are told  at every turn that "our best thinking got us where we are".. that our choices have been NO GOOD and that we need to get a sponsor to help us think. so yo dude IF   Blackthorne's sponsor started a sexual relationship with BlaCKTHORNE at 29 DAYS what are you taLKing about about BLACTHORNE'S  CHOCES for .. at 29 days?WHAT ABOUT THE CHOICE OF THE SPONSOR ,,YOI notice you did not even address the poor choice of the sposnsor (whom i believe  Blackthorne stated  had like 12 years)  and after 29 days of  ocnstant contact with addicts and meetings in NA , you all  have convinced a newcomer (at least it did to ME) that we  make rotten choices and I should rely on my sponsor. SO hey dude back off on that choices preaching to Blackthorne. Maybe you were not as badly  before entering the rooms or horribly addicted and were  capable of clear thought all the way thru.. I never, even as a CHILD heard the words you have a choice, my childhood was totally dysfunctional not just my using years, and after 40 years of dope I couldn't think worth a damn and I got taken by a LOT of addicts in the rooms myself. THERE ARE VULTURES IN THE ROOMS THIS HAS BEEN KNOWN SINCE THE INCEPTION OF NA   ok? DON'T FORGET THAT  The problem here is I think that I understand Blackthorne's comcept of NA and NA LITE. The original NA   program was  full  incorrigible street addicts, who had become pretty much half psycho and paranoid  out there the who did some unspeakable things really like burglury assault prostitution pimping even MURDER yeah thats right   and god knows what else and came to understand they could recieve grace from that life and that guilt, these people know nothing about choice are really beaten downand are finding relief and follow anyone in NA that claims they are loved, who doesn';t want to be loved after alifetime of being told you are worthless and of living in self hate?Now  NA LITE is  the yuppies and intellectuals that have not sold their children or did god knows what for their drug just to survive, maybe they lost their house or business they ACTUALLY HAD ALIFE BEFOR..the regular NA we didn't have a damn thing not even a flop for the night sometimes.  and not that NA lite members haven't done low things themselves, took the kids money out of the bank, write bogus prescriptions  but you got people that do not understand that choice is a word most of us gutter snipe addicts never knew existsed in ANYTHING, cause WE NEVER PARTICIPATED IN LIFE AT ALL the NA lite people were thios "functional" addicts (as if) so  then  we incorrigibles  come to NA and are told we can't think and to  get a sponsor and we more  get advice til our heads are SPINNING  from  other addicts,  so half ass  in shock  you do as you are told.. so what the heck are you talking about choice?  get off the high horse people work your program and quit passing judgement  and quit censoring is the NA PO-LICE LIVIN HERE?  

-- Edited by jalanhara at 10:21, 2007-03-14

Ok #1 she made her point, she did what she said she needed to do which was to confront this person, NOW MOVE ON and deal with whats going on inside, we're not going to sit here quietly as this person rants on and on about this situation, she was asked to start doing some work on this issue and she refused should we sit here and coddle her? GET ON WITH WORKING THE PROGRAM the lite one or the original one ? what the hell is that theres one program to work theres one SET of 12 steps to work .

This is about moving on moving foreward, she's/he's living in the past, I suggested several times about moving on and getting past this and she/he refused staying in the problem aint the answer, the program gives you a way out of all that , unless of course you like sitting in a warm pile of your own feces.....

did you ever hear of someone having to talk about something til they are DONE? in the rooms week after week I hear the same monloogues by the smae addicts on the same subject  but this is what it is about .........tolerance of someone else's recovery  it takes a lng time to heal some things I imagine being hurt by a trusted therapist hurt exceedingly deep especially if all someone's life they were abused and abandoned and had come to trust this therapist.   WE RECOVER AT DIFFERENT RATES ..do you remember that?   NA  was   implemented ORIGINALLY as  a SELFLESS, giving to the newcomer and being tolerant, but in the rooms all of a sudden members are saying its a SELFISH program. and  its all about THEMSELVES and THEIR recovery comes first,, this is  ADDICT THINKING .  this is not recovery thinking   and this is not the original concept of NA it has been corrupted for whatever reason underneath i do not know and in this post will not get into it.  Have patience, everyone is not as perfect as some people  seem to believe they  are in their recovery. the basic text says " WE ARE EACH OTHERS EYES AND EARS. WHEN WE DO SOMETHING WRONG OUR FELLOW ADDICTS  HELP US BY SHOWING US WHAT WE CANNOT SEE".      IT SAYS NOTHING ABOUT HIDING IT

-- Edited by jalanhara at 14:25, 2007-03-15

Some of you who have had bad experiences in NA I am sorry for that.


I dont go to alot of F2F meetings i'm not much of a social person but when I want to or need to I go.

The program for me is not the social activity or even the meetings, its the teachings and learniing the principles of how this program works within our addictive lives.

There are no requirements the only requirement is a desire to stop using. And that is why i come here each day just about rather then f2f meetings this is my choice nd this is helping me today.

I try no to focus so much on what others do but more on what I DO, I think if i'm spending all my time looking at others i'm forgetting whom I am here for, I am here to save myself and with that I hope I  will be able to help others to save themselves and have a good life ahead of them.


So take your own inventorys LOL

"Unconditional love is given where we sense our spirit in another human being."

i do not understand the audacity of relapsers who think they are STILL  standing on something even after falling off . After 12 years of being clean  and then relapsing..how is it that you think you have advice and encouragement to give? Isn't it time to LISTEN and how is it you have become so WISE NOW but could not muster that same wisdom while 12 years clean and get yourself some help before picking up and hurting OTHERS?  Or continuing to PRACTICE while IN THE MIDDLE of a relapse. Selfishness knows NO BOUNDS with addicts. NA has allowed immediate forgiveness and thats wrong. the 9th step has allowed the addict to avoid culpability by naming themselves as the "others" (9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or OTHERS".)
  Do you think NOTHING has changed but your clean date? NO more that THAT  has changed.. your thinking processes are obviously FOUL and you have said OH well I made a mistake.. well thats all good if you work with a computer or dig ditches but when your work is something that DIRECTLY EFFECTS HUMAN LIVES much has changed you in your selfishness have caused attemtped suicides, emotional breakdowns, self hate, nothing good by your selfishness. I would never ever ever allow an addict access to the counseling field ever in lieu of seeing AND LIVING  the result of what we  clients of these addicts who are in the counseling field have had to endure by the capricious act of these addicts going back out. YES addiction IS an illness  but its not like cancer or any other disease.. their is a point where YOU HAVE THE POWER by having the will and desire TO STOP the disease... where with cancer or other disease you do not. and 12 years and being a counsleor  of recovering people  are 2 things that should have STOPPED YOUR HARM TO YOUR CLIENTS. Addicts are selfish people  they love NA cause it gets em off the hook, and i its bullshit. it alsom allows them to look the other way when they see wrong because God forbid they should judge a recovering  addict said about a woman who sod her baby for  car that she wouod ne er judge that woman.. gimme a break WRONG IS WRONG and all it takes for evil to flourish is for GOOD people to do NOTHING. NA and the A's programs  have saved lives but what have not really turned any of the recovering addicts into people with REAL morals, judgement, or  empathy , compassion or character thats worth ANYTHING in the real world where people NEVER leaned on substances and believe they are special because they did. people go through some awfulawful stuff in life and NEVER PICK UP tyo the point of risking anybody else like so many NA and AA have its a self ish program for already selfish people is all and the ONLY reason it knocks uniqueness is so you do not THINK FOR YOURSELF outside of hos NA wants you to think.. to prove it we'll see how long this post stays up.  YOu all will feel that I need to work on something or someother stuff but Ihave seen the darkest crap  and MIND CONTROL of how NA holds you sheep. OK it cleaned you up NOw go out and get healed elsewhere in Buddhism or RR or somwhere where there is RATIONAL thought .... in NA you are staying ill in the mind.and the only people telling you different are the other sickos in the fellowship ..think about it.  

micheleanonymous wrote:

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Tahir wrote: "Unconditional love is given where we sense our spirit in another human being."THERE ARE NO GIVENS OR WHERES IN UNCONDITIONAL LOVE..THERE ARE NO IF'S AND OR BUTS EITHER.. YOUR QUOTE IS DUMB. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS NOT GIVEN..IT IS JUST THERE  PERIOD. IT KNOWS NO SENSE, IT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CHOOSE TO GIVE BECAUSE YOU SENSE YOUR OWN SELF OR SPIRIT IN SOMEONE.  IT EXISTS INDEPENDENTLY  AND IT REQUIRES NOTHING BE GIVEN BACK, THERE IS NO NEED FOR SIMILARITY OR OR NEED FOR ANY PART OF US TO BE IN ANOTHER PERSON.  WE NEED NOT SEE ANYTHING AT ALL IN ANOTHER IF THAT WERE SO IT WOULD BE CONDITIONAL LOVE ..RIGHT? THE QUOTE  FITS PERFECTLY THE SKEWED THINKING  OF THE NA MEMBER,  WHERE EVERY ADDICT IS AT THE ZENITH OF EGOCENTRICITY IN RELATION TO THE POUTASIDE WORLD WHERE PEOPLE LIVE WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT THEMSELVES  AND PATTING THEMSELVES ON THE BACK FOR NOT ABUSING THEIR FAMILIES AND NOT STEALING MONEY AND NOT RISKING PEOPLE'S LIVES.  ADDICTS NEED TO BEGIN TO SEE THE WORLD THRU UNSELFISH EYES AND QUIT PUTTING THEMSELVES INTO EVERYTHING.  START TO BELIEVE YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL BECAUSE YOU ARE CLEAN YOU ARE NOW SIMPLY LIVING AS THE MAJPRITY OF HEMAN BEINGS DO..  YOU NEED TO LEARN AND BELIEVE THE WORLD IS SPECIAL AND YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL TO BE HERE. AND NOT STONED AND STUPID ANYMORE  THIS IS NOT YOUR WORLD THIS WORLD WOULD BE HERE SHOULD YOU DIE... IT GOES ON.. SO TRY HUMILITY NA . 

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I am not going to read your posts until you get rid of caps. And for the love of god, 2000 word paragraphs makes me wanna scratch my eyes out. 

JasonD wrote:

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I am not going to read your posts until you get rid of caps. And for the love of god, 2000 word paragraphs makes me wanna scratch my eyes out. 

ahh always conditions. wheres that good old NA tolerance huh Jason ?You just  cannot seem to"surrender"  the childish threats OR temper tantrum throwing either to get YOUR way ? its ok you are most likely  IN FOR LIFE and  you probably feel you've  got all the time in the world to change those  nasty little character defects ..

We want to find exactly how, when, and where, our natural desires have warped us.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, William Wilson, p.43.