I am new to this board. My name is Donna and I am an addict from NJ. I am grateful to be clean today. I have been thinking about this subject all day and was wondering what others thought.
Is socializing in NA a bad thing? When I was using the only people I had any social contact I had was with dealers and buyers. I came to NA broken and had no where else to go. I went to meetings, found a sponsor, and made friends. While I listened to the message at meetings, I also made social connections. It was suggested to me to avoid people, places, and things. To change my playgrounds and playmated.
I have made very good friends in the fellowship both f2f and online. My sponsor and I attened meetings together, but we also have dinner and recently went to see the bodies exhibit in NYC. I have many friends in the fellowship, we go to meetings, dinner, movies. We laugh and have fun.
I work hard on my recovery, and now know how to have fun clean today. Is this such a horrible thing. I read some where esle that socializing was the reason for a site closure. I thought to myself how sad. The reason I am able to socialize is because the fellowship of NA gave me my life back.
With out my NA friends I would have no one, I do just about every thing with other addicts, movies ,dinner, shopping, coffee. I strongly believe that the friends I have made in NA are the healthest relationships I have ever had. Just try and stop me from being with them out side of the rooms...lol
Welp I went out fishing this weekend with my old fishen partener. I had stopped fishing with him after I relapsed because of his pot smoking , it bothered me and I knew I didn't need to put myself there anymore, but i went out with him again and the same crap went down.
His friends showed up 3 other guys and I watched as they made a pipe out of a pepsi bottle and put the bowl on it and filled it with pot and started passing it around and i got pissed.
So I wrote him a email letter yesterday telling him I was done and all he did was throw dirt in my face , he's in denial of any problems he may have, I told him he uses like an addict uses he doesn't see it that way so , I gots to move on.
Just the other day I read the just for today and this is what I found as far as my situation is concerned I need to stick with this,
The First Step - An Action Step " Do we understand that we have no real control over drugs?"
Basic Text p. 18 At first, many of us may have thought the First Step required no action-we just surrender and go on to Step Two. But Step One does require action!
The action we take in the First Step will be evident in the way we live, even from our first day clean. If we truly believe that we are powerless over our addiction, we will not choose to be around drugs. To continue to live with or associate with practicing addicts may indicate a reservation in our program.
well,,, my storys a little different !!(isnt it always ????) when i came into recovery there was no NA and i went to another Fellowship,,, there though they showed kindness in recovery terms they would have nothing to do with me on a social level,,, then we started Na meetings here and it grew,,, once again i was marginalised because addicts in recovery here did not socialise with me cause id got out of the movie habit,, i had become vegetarian,non smoker, non whorer !!! seems what they thought was recovery fun was what i considered to be related to the disease !!! Most of all I was not at ease with a crowd of guys that was chain smoking,not working,gossiping etc,,, and that was ok with me,,, ive been a loner all my life and this wasnt a cruel punishment to be treated as an out cast !!! Ive always been discriminated against on the basis of my religion,social standing and colour and have gotten used to it as an unchanging condition of life !! However,,,, thank God that thru the Step Tradition of Na Worldwide,,, ive not become unsocial and withdrawn because of this,,,, each day i have healthy, mutually respectful and beneficial social interaction,, i also belong in various social clubs ! I meet normal people ther and can vaguely relate to them . I am also a well known musician iun my city and my sax speaks a lot o my behalf and I am happy about playing music after having to stop doing so about 10 years into recovery !! Now all said and done,, Im still a social outcast, people will take my music, my money, my mind , but as for socialising,,, o no siree,,,im still an UNTOUCHABLE,,, within NA,,, outside of NA ,, everywher except in the Realm Of my Beloved Goddess !!! So be it,,,im at peace with this !!!! But my Goddess Bless those who have a wonderful time socialising in NA,,, thats obviously what they need in their recovery and im so happy for them,,,,they are indeed Graced !!!!
-- Edited by Raman at 14:34, 2007-01-30
-- Edited by Raman at 14:36, 2007-01-30
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I was diagnosed as a Social Phobic in 1998. I was a recluse right since I remember my childhood. Still am, in a lot of ways. I found it hard to even socialize with NA members and at conventions for the first one and half years of recovery, still not able to, above a certain extent... But whatever socializing I do is with NA Tribe Last two conventions, I had a rockin' time socializing, for the first time, feeling so free to be what I am, and to be in a relaxed state, instead of feeling lonely or too self-conscious. It's awesome thing to socialize in NA I feel. As you can just be yourself here, silly or funny or glum-faced, and still be a part of, and accepted and loved for what I am, as I am.
And Raman, I was surprised to read your share. I get delighted when you show up for face-to-face meetings here. Your smiling face and your energetic presence and wise and of course hilarious shares charge me up and brighten my day. So grateful that I actually have your relationship in my recovery today, Raman. What others think is not our business, Raman. Some of us are sicker than others, here in NA. I love you, both your serene-wise self and your vulnerable soft side , and I need you in my recovery. Together We Can!
Hugs, Love, Light ~ Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I don't think of myself belonging to a "NA Tribe". When I attend NA functions and events, I try to be an example of what the NA program has given me today(normalcy), having learned the ability to be able to Live Life on Life's Terms, and to once again fit in to soceity with out giving the slightest of inclinations that I am an addict. That's not to say I don't empathize with other addicts and not share my ES&H(if I'm asked) but I'd rather be an example of recovery and success, showing the miracle that is attainable by working the NA program.
I could care less what anyone else was diagnosed with or the prescriptions they might have to take(responsibly and as directed) to recover from their health issues(I'm not a Dr.). The only thing that matters to me is that everyone is the same as me and has the desire to Stop Using(Abusing) drugs.
Thanks for sharing your perspective, Chum So true, I can relate with many of the things you shared.
And moreoever, I think I cannot even say what to do or what not to do, even on NA recovery issues, to other addicts. I can only share my experience, strength and hope, if I have any that is, and leave it for the other to take it if he or she finds it advantageous to make use of, or leave it if they feel that is not what they need. As simple as that. Preaching or advising is not what NA is all about, according to my understanding. If that would work, I would have stopped using many years back, when my family, teachers and community leaders advised me. However, I do share if I can relate with what someone shares... I feel an urgency to reach out and communicate to another soul in distress if I have been there too or am going thru the same experience too.
Welcome, Chum, to Miracles In Progress. Glad we have you here with us. Stay with us.
I'm Tahir, a grateful recovering addict, clean for, umm... 980 days I guess, approximately
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
We are about 30 days apart in this miracle. I put the issue of socializing in NA because I truly believe I would not have stayed clean if I did not have other addicts. I can never forget that I am an addict. I was taught those who forget are doomed to repeat.
I am really involved in the fellowship. H&I commitments, Service , and I am the H&I Secretary for my area.
I am grateful for my NA friends as they know how to call me on my shit. They love me and are not afraid to hurt my feelings.
Right now, we are dealing with a friends terminal cancer. Last night we all got together to celebrate her 4 years. She is in horrible pain, but made it to her home group.
I would never have been able to show up for her if it had not been for the fellowship.
I dont know if Fellowshipping and socialising are one and the same,,, i dont think so !!! but as for moving closely with other NA members,,,,round the trun of the millenium i was hurt and boycotted so badly by the guys that were then in NA-Power,,,,that i decided i need to be careful who i let into my life again... my character was slandered so badly just because I sold a Basic Text to a needy newcomer after consulting other office bearers,,,, and when questioning started they disowned that they had given me consent,,,,,in fact they even forced me(manipulated me) to give a letter to ASC that it was all my fault !!! THe Regional Delegate position was up for election and the behaviour of these addicts left me with no choice but to be very careful who I trust and dont !!! You know Im real glad that that group of addicts aint there anymore,,,, it was a torture to be in recovery meetings and have them take pot shots and call me all kind of names in their sharing !!! Some of those guys who still come around still have that same feeling towards me. I still believe that it was a wasted oppurtunity and being in that position of trusted servent when i was at a peak may have benefitted the Fellowship as a whole !!! All said and done,,,Im not willing to be a smoker,nonveg,card player whorer in order to socialize within the Fellowship !! I deeply believe that Fellowship and socialising are two different things !!! Fellowshipping according to em and what ive learned from sponsors and reading is when we gathet together for recover,,, theby all we say and do and think in those moments are reflective of recovery the NA WAY !!! Socialising according to me means we leave all leave the Step Tradition and for few hours each day gamble,gossip,whoreon,etc.etc... I choose Fellowship rather than socialising !!! And what profound words from the Basic Text these are= "Social acceptability does not equeal recovery" No matter what,,, I choose to be in recovery rather than society !!! Thanks for you encouragement and kindness Tahir !!!! You rock man !! God Bless you !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Hmmm, I did not say the social acceptabilty equalsrecovery.I am sorry you have had such a hard time. I have been in that position too. I took a GSR postion at my home group and was bullied by some asshole. I stepped down and was angry for a long time.
I named my post Social Contact and NA, not suggesting that they are both one in its self. I never suggested that fellowshipping and socializing are the same. I merely asked a question. During meetings one can fellowship. We can go to the diner for coffee. But, once and a while I would like to see a movie. Since all my prior friends are still out there, or dead. (I do have 3 from childhood who live out of state and are not addicts, I see them when I can)
My sponsor and I go to meetings, work on step work, and talk everyday. But, we also have a relationship, one that allows us to socialize with each other. We have become friends. Like I said, " is that such a bad thing"?
"Socialising according to me means we leave all leave the Step Tradition and for few hours each day gamble,gossip,whoreon,etc.etc..."
I am sorry that you feel that way. I do not. I was taught those who judge don't matter, and those who matter don't judge. I have wonderful friends today, and I would not have it any other way. I am able to be a friend today.
What you have described reminds me of my active addiction. I have met assholes in the rooms. Out traditons tell me I have to place principals before personaities, it does not mean I have to like them, or socialize with them.
I wish you lived in my area then I would be able to show you.
Ramon what your describing sounds like a group of people who are just around recovery not in it. What I was taught here is to incorperate spiritual principles into all aspects of my life. It's real easy to talk the talk for 2 hours at a meeting but real recovery for me is being that spiritual person the other 22 hours of the day as well. Sorry about the people in your area sounds like they still live in there old ways i will pray for them. I socialize and do fellowship with the people in NA and they are one in the same. When I go to the movies or to a friends house we don't always talk about recovery but we remain spiritual just like everywhere else i am in my day. One of my favorite slogans is "your a member when you say you are, so act like it!"
wow,,,Donna and Sandra,,, thanks for your comforting and encouraging shares !!!
I suppose thers also lotr of differance in the cultures in America and India,,,,however Na promises we can recover in our own cultures !!! Let me try to illustrate what i do by way of social contact in NA ,,, Well,, recently we had an Na event here which was socialising of sorts,,, it was called NA Rocks and ther was lots of music and recovery oriented stuff !!! I sang the song,, the old jazz standard "ITS A WONDERFUL WORLD" ,,, i shared my gratitude for recovery that way !!!
Just before that I had driven two newcomers for an out of state Convention. There I met many old friends and made many new ones,, shared at the main session and played my music too,,,,there was lot of social contact there too,, and i got one sponsee as well as few friends from all over the globe !! Most importantly the two newcomers and I spent nigh on one week together and thats saying a lot for the efforts we put into communicaying with each other on a social level,,,,and the round trip was about 2000 miles ,, I drove in my Jeep !!!
Now im on a treshold again,,,three of us are leaving for a Convention out of state tommorow morning,,, this will be a round trip of about 3000 miles i think !!! All exited and also well prepared !!!
However just before the previous trip,, i had a bad call when i drove a few Nas out to an eating joint,,, we shared food, hokes,,, recovery etc,,, but the bad trip was their cigarette smoking that left me with a cold and sore throat later !!!
Being responsible for me means I make choices that give me freedom of craetive action,,, and that leands later to a thning called discernment !!! A great one said Freedom is not a choice between right and worng,,, verily(truly) it is a choice of right !!! This i believe is discernment,,,,,choosing and doing the right thing for the right reason !!! And all this begins with judgement,,, a most basic human function,,,,without judgement I will never be able to tell roght from wrong,,, however to condemn means I exclude certain sort of people from my life and in doing so i may actually be preventing myself from enjoying my recovery to the fullest !!! I believe that all good socialising will lead to healthy and honest relationships,,,,, a very gratifying thing Ive always experienced in my recovery !!! and conversely,,, negative social contact leaves me with pain and anger,,, the result of people pleasing,,, which led me deeper into my addiction in the first place !!!
",,,,,,,,,,and the Wisdom to know the difference !!!!"
-- Edited by Raman at 02:04, 2007-02-06
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Dear Raman, I share this, with only an honest intention of expressing my experience, strength and hope in context with socializing with NA friends, and nothing more than that.
Raman, we both are from the same area, and I know of people, both inside and outside NA, who indulge in gambling or overeating or sexual fantasies too, not only in our area but also from all areas that I have been to... But that doesn't mean there is no healthy socializing happening in our area, Raman. I know you have gone thru a lot in the course of NA service, we all do, and we tend to carry resentments too. Sometimes, I lose my sleep still, over undesirable things that happened in the course of NA service in my hometown fellowship, where I have to get back to the tools of the program to release these negative energies out of my system, and to be at peace with myself, and with others...
Now, I do a lot of socializing here in this area with many members, even my wife (also NA) included many times... there are social visits that we have made to other member's houses, to meet and spend time with their families, many members and their families continue to visit us. I go out for dinner with NA members here. I go out for movies or we all get together to watch a movie at some members' place... I go shopping with other members... We discuss studies, career, current events, sports, music, books... go dancing and attend gigs & concerts together... Visit fairs & exhibitions... check out yoga classes, ayurvedic massages, go for walks over Ulsoor lake where a few members do join us, play soccer in the morning over the weekend sometimes... or just hang out over tea or coffee sharing and caring the NA Way... And I don't get to see much of gambling or womanising and that kind of stuff, maybe because I don't get to be in regular touch with those cliques... In fact, last week I was discussing with other members about going hang-gliding nearby on the outskirts, and checking out adventure sports... also go to the woods for a campout one of these nights... So there IS healthy socializing and fun happening in our area and I'm a part of it too...
But I never knew all this socializing and fun was happening here until I reached out to all and checked out what's up with everyone, and continue to do so on a regular basis, investing my time, energy, money and interest in such socializing opportunities, if I felt the need to go out with members and socialize. Even in my hometown NA area, all those unhealthy activities that you mentioned do take place among a few members, but they are a minority. Mostly, we go on saturday nightouts there, on the highway, to a beach resort nearby, with guitars and works, and chill out by the seashore thru out the night. That was a wonderful part of my early recovery, the highlight of the week in NA there. So, there is good and there is bad, according to how I can choose to see it, and in NA, I am grateful that there is both of it, as I not only get to learn what I can do for my personal recovery, but also get to learn what I must never do too. In that way, both good and bad in the course of NA recovery and service offer me the same gifts ~ more freedom, more growth...
And yes, just like Donna was sharing, most of my true and long-lasting friends today I have gained from NA, and our friendship is something that has outgrown our NA need for each other today. And I don't differentiate and live in two worlds today too, NA and outside world and all that... I see it all in one light... sometimes, I feel that this discrimination of NA and everything else is how my start justifying my need to move away from NA and isolate from the fellowship...
Just my experiences, might not necessarily be so for others, in fact, not supposed to either
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Personally I've never had a problem socializing within NA, I believe it is one of the coolest things since I had very little social skills prior to finding NA. When I was around NA the first time. I felt most comfortable with my fellow recovering addicts, and felt uncomfortable around people and environments where people were using. So I fellowshipped and hung out mostly with my recovering peers.
However, I live in a real world, I know that not everyone in the world is a recovering addict, my employers sure weren't, my family was not, best I could tell my neighbors were not, but most of all, my wife was not an addict and is not in a 12 step program. So we socialized with people in general. Like other parents from our child's school, people from church, business associates, etc.
The tough part for me was being around people who drank socially, best I could tell, they did not have the disease of addiction. I rarely explained my history, I just declined partaking with them and sipped a soft drink instead. I believe my wife explained to a few of her associates that I was in recovery, but I never told my employers or business associates. If someone ever pressed the issue why I didn't drink, I'd explain that I did at one time but due to health reasons I dont anymore [which is true, because if I use I'll eventually die]
I sorta relate and agree with what Chum said. I do not want to limit myself to comfortable ways. I was clean in NA for 9 years and one of the things that used to bug me was many of the people I knew were pretty much the same as when they walked in, they dressed the same, they talked the same, they all hung out with the same cliques. I realize that sociable acceptability does not equal recovery, but I wanted to change, I wanted to be viewed differently, I wanted to be a good citizen. I also wanted to recover and grow spiritually but I felt stagnate. The dangerous part was that I eventually separated myself from an atmosphere of recovery and even though it took some time, I slowly slipped into active addiction as I stopped going to meetings and sticking with the winners. Instead I was involved in other things, a church club, kids school, work related associations, etc. I was experiencing many good positive things, I was an acceptable productive member of society. HOWEVER, I separate myself from an atmosphere of recovery by drifting away from the fellowship. Ya see my disease does not care that I may be going on to continue my education and get a masters degree, or that I am president of little league, or being awarded humanitarian of the year. It just sits and waits long enough for me to be away from the fellowship not working the steps so that eventually when someone says "can I get you a drink?" I'll say "sure why not." Which is eventually what happened in my case and then it progressed until I was just as miserable as I was when I walked in 20 years prior as a street junkie with absolutely nothing, only this time I was a well dressed person with more debt and a whole lotta pain and misery.
So now I [hope] I know better, that I need balance. Yes it's OK to pursue friends and interests outside NA, but in order for me to stay clean and recover, I must spend equal or more time and effort into my recovery otherwise I'll be in active addiction again. I hope to have learned from my previous mistakes.
Overall, I feel best around my friends in NA. I have attended functions put on by the fellowship, but to be honest some of them do not interest me, mostly dances, I am not a big dance guy, I am married so I am not seeking a date or anything, so I usually pass on those kind of things. I do like some functions though. Conventions, music shows, marathon meetings and stuff. I am a big blues fan, some of my best friends in the program are also blues fans. About once a month, we out out as a group to blues clubs or concerts. That is my favorite. I wont go alone to a club, but I like going out with my friends in NA.
Thank you so much, karl, for sharing your experience, strength and hope. I could relate so much while reading your share... glad we have you here with us.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Last two conventions, I had a rockin' time socializing, for the first time, feeling so free to be what I am, and to be in a relaxed state, instead of feeling lonely or too self-conscious. It's awesome thing to socialize in NA I feel. As you can just be yourself here, silly or funny or glum-faced, and still be a part of, and accepted and loved for what I am, as I am.
