Hello all, here is my story in a nutshell: I am not an addict but about three weeks ago I found out that the woman I love is addicted to prescription drugs, vicodin in particular. She is getting help at a place called Starlite in Texas so this is good. To muddy matters, and to the crux of my problem, she is married to a friend of mine of eleven yrs. and they have a 3yr old son. We started out as great friends and it turned into a sexual/emotional relationship between us almost two yrs ago. Throughout this time both she and her husband have told me how their marriage just wasn't working and their son was the only thing keeping them together. She has told me so many times she'll be leaving him when the time is right because she wants to cause as little hurt as possible. I know I'm in the wrong, but I really do love her, and want to be with her. Anyway, 3 weeks ago she told me about her addiction(I had NO idea!), and within five days she was enrolled at Starlite. Before she left she was adament that she was not going to tell them about me, as she had been addicted well before we became involved, and I was "the light at the end of her tunnel" and the only reason she had survived the last 1 1/2 years, and one of her goals in being healthy was to finally end her marriage and be with me. I took her for her word(but did tell her that I believed she should mention our relationship to her counselors). She's been in treatment almost 2 weeks now. The 1st couple of days there she called me multiple times and then nothing, no contact at all for almost a week. I wrote her a letter a day for the 1st week, until her husband mentioned to me that she was on calling restriction and was only allowed to contact he and their son once a day. I dreaded that I was the reason for the call restriction, so I decided to stop writing unless I heard from her. A week later I got a voice mail from her and she sounded a lot better-happier. She said my letters meant a lot to her and asked me to send her cigarettes and coffee and she loved me but was still being restricted and had to learn to just "let go and let God". Said she would call me again soon. So I sent her a package and sent her flowers on her birthday and resumed sending her letters. Another week has gone by and no word. I talked to her mother(who knows about us) and she said Donna has been calling her every morning and also calling her husband twice a day. I also talked to her best friend and Donna has called her a couple of times also this week. Now I'm back to wondering if it's just me that she's not allowed to call-or doesn't want to call.

MY QUESTION: Does anyone have any insight for me as I think I'm on the verge of a breakdown? Are relationships a big part of the treatment and why would they be shutting me out? Is it because they would tell her that I'm confusing the most important matter to her-her recovery? Would they tell her that she absolutely has to make her marriage work in order to stay clean?Or is it normal to restrict contact while in treatment other than immediate family members. I'm confused as the literature from Starlite says that they encourage family AND friends to stay in contact and be a part of the addicts recovery while they are in treatment. SHOULD I KEEP WRITING HER? OR AM I CAUSING PROBLEMS BY DOING SO? Would they allow her to call me  to tell me to back off, or just keep letting me write the letters and tell her to deal with me after her thirty day stay in treatment?  Now that she's been off the drugs for a couple weeks, would it be typical for her feelings about me and or her husband to drastically change? Please help! My main goal really is to do what is best for her, even if it means we need to let each other go. Thanks and sorry about the long post.