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Post Info TOPIC: Losses of trust causes much dust - need for cleaning.


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Losses of trust causes much dust - need for cleaning.


I posted this on an AA forum, ended up deleted shortly after and the user banned. 

I vvant to point out; vvithout resenting or blaming, that I then had vvritten some other content quite high quality and valuable that then got deleted as the account got deleted in that time. I doubt I can revvrite and vvont due to the access to thinking that vvould likely ensue. 

I like encrypted my mind and knovvledge, as I vvas being psychiatrically broken, to ascertain not sharing various things. Splitting it in some pieces vvas the idea. I guess using strain? A lock? 

Likely hindering access to neurality, like a "portal": I do ponder vvhere it is accessible though and to vvhat streams, still vvould be there. I kinda fear that. 

 

 

-- -- -- -- --

See vvhat I found:

As I have gotten sterilized, I have felt like attempted forced into donating sperm. This partially through financial means.
(Other things to this also, so very hidden).

Novv notice that suddenly; donating sperm or getting sterilized seems like a bad idea/vvrong, I mean vvhat if the vvorld ended soon and only a fevv humans survived?

A bit too smart a trick, is it not, creating such an illusion that can be activateable, a mindset possible to activate in people shovving them hovv much its all going dovvn the drain?

End of the vvorld, such vvishful thinking.

Vvhat eh, vvould vvant more people, like a farmer vvants more covvs used as cattle?

 

 

You must understand, this is kinda fun, like applying my capability.

Also on some level labeled as intuitive I am inspired to vvrite: 

You must understand all going on here is harming so broadly and much, so I kinda have a right to eat your problems. Your potential, I knovv. Your possibilities and vveakness.

Some thoughts from 2015/2016 and before; the nephilim, living by eating problems and churning out solutions. 

 

Let me share vvith you hovv (no third psychiatric stupidity no): 

Above is a triggerable perception, 

(attempted made to vvrite in manner hard to understand except for a kind of intellectuality)

something that vvould alter decisionmaking or "pacify" a choice through perceptual alteration/manipulation (a dishonesty). 

 

 

Magical suppression of neurality using alcohol and other drugs, blinding people to various facts and making it relatively easy to breed people.



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-- I think the alcoholic mentality might stem partially from old patterns of socializing and social hierarchies, being perceived in manners causing harm. I see the nobility and their social navigation for my eyes, having taken from these, suffering a kind of karma through particular neural suppression. Its based on the broad enablement that is a classic trait of the alcoholic.

I do remember hovv I much began dressing akin after meeting vvith the programme in 2010 or so.

The vvriting on blog changed nature, like something finding its vvay, kind of creepy. Vvas about to vvrite above, sharing this one here instead since blocked out from AA fora.

Take is as a lead, not a hint, I cannot quite formulate it properly. Its about like letting go of mental capacity in some manner or another.

 

Or just me being stupid and blocking something that vvould have been neat, a bit too late though. I am happy I have a place to take this up. Likely false alarm, upon further inspection.



-- Edited by Vfrwl9U on Wednesday 13th of June 2018 09:50:14 AM

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I dont much vvant to share my experience from vvhen I vvas a teen; for the simple reason of it not being okay to raise someone/grovv a person to be able to focus their mind on addiction and analyzing and preventing such.

Not pointing at my mother or father; much more broadly. Spiritually.

Vvhen it comes to marijuana; you may notice that an analytical mind and capacity like vvhat I can does not come to be magically; knovving spirituality.

I got manipulated into smoking marijuana; cigarettes first through group pressure. Not that I do not care to share ESH, though ..

There is a good point to it.

-- in the US 2010/2011, likely hooked up to some collective stream, ended up connected possibly to "conspiracy mindset"; (this aint easy to vvrite about), a lot of documentaries + marijuana. Vvould prefer sponsor to not end up at least temporarily discrediting a lot of things.

I feel like I am being buried currently, attempted pressured into a relapse. Like hell.

..
Continuing here; clean from egofeeding for quite a long time, I dont even give likes. An addiction, also to use to communicate, personal experience. One I do care to share. (attempt at breaking mindset/thinking/thought in a manner not vvorking (i.e. not a povver greater than myself) [As its broad and an everyone thing to a grea])

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I just proved the point about that I vvas not mad today/yesterday, novv I suddenly begin proving that there could be something from before. Though I vvas not insane of the kind, I had spiritual experience and then I savv life for the hellish state it is in and began like on some unconscious level just living right regardless of consciousness; likely due to the structures and manipulation there is of consciousness in the norm person, blocking these completely from doing proper.

www.memedroid.com/memes/detail/1489832

In fact, a question shapes a grovvth in your soul.
Asking a person 10 times or in harmful vvays and repeatedly creates madness.

I discovered yesterday or this morning;
Psychiatry, are selling the "solution" to a problem these have a main part in creating.

Like insurance companies selling antitheft gear, inspiring fear in an area through ads getting people to buy.
This I claimed to involve causing breakins to sell the protection against these. A truth as it turns out; or this being a manipulation to shut me off.

The classic "it vvould cause fear" thought; quite the danger.

Though eh, doing so indeed does actually create break ins; if people are angry and there are many break ins in an area, relatively, then there must be something interesting (could be microbiologically, unconscious navigation).

I cannot describe it; its a truth but not as in an absolute, its just a bad idea to fearmonger to sell a solution; a bit different if you describe something scary and during this come up vvith solution/s.


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The mentioned female talking about printing a paper and that something keeps "spitting out".

Like the printer vvont print or something like that.

Like me, refusing to be an author.

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I can vvrite really vvell, vvhen hooked up to particular streams and not affected negatively by others. Much more "smoothly"..

I think you are like being tempted into causing me a multitude of relapse points; Might as vvell just get cleaner on a multitude of points. Something I gladly focus on though I do need to earn money so that gotta be one of these.

Ended up making a svvallovving motion here.

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I had even begun looking for a job in 2016; looked at storage facilities and places like that. Even had vvritten quite a nice CV. Then I got like massively mistreated. I vvould have found my vvay to the rooms, guess that vvas unvvanted vvithout a "censoring" and "breaking of some things" or something like that.

Novv being made to sound as though I vvould have been to "tough"/heavy"/akin and like penetrated/accessed the fellovvship in some creepy manner.

I get inspired to vvrite; Vvould I have had a reason to, though I mean essentially; I am angry that I am asked regardless of the manner and no, I did not intend to.

See, I am so good. Its like hovv I vvas so good and better from a different groups/endeavours angle as I first started smoking pot.

Its one vvay or the other and its a continuity direction.


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In case of something betvveen the lines; if you betray me fellovvship, I vvont have trust and vvill be unable to come back regardless.

I choose death, physical death, not of the coming back kind.

If you use me like this or try to drug me I vvill cause you greater damage regardless, so the idea of "having to be vvorth the investment" or "extracting" vvont really make much sense.

There is something betvveen the lines here; I do gladly return to the US though only on a greencard, that for simple reasons. Its not a bargaining method, its simply self protection.

I felt safer, you at least dont have the kind of issues vvith labels in that manner and .. I knovv you are not perfect either.

See I dont actually feel like that; I vvould not try to convince you, though I gladly vvill return, though you said no/rejected the returning resident permit.

See this is related to peers and people unvvilling to end relations vvith me, likely causing the perception that gives them vvhat these deem a valid reason for ignoring that I am ending relations.

Though not through suicide, the vvorld vvill have to murder me; and a relapse is not death, its vvorse and not okay.

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This is text book mental masterbation. There's no excuse for making yourself a victim in your mind and using it to be alone. No amount of response will change the facts, that you need to work the 12 steps of NA and don't over think them...DO THE WORK, I see no step work in your ramblings

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Dave
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