You people have inspired me. I haven't really looked at the book since rehab. I will pick up another NA book and get going. Thanks!!

Good question Trudgin, and I think perhaps the most vital aspect on which recovery depends...

The way I observe my disease of addiction manifest (disguise itself by changing form) today in my recovery is through the release of obsession (a never-ending thought pattern fixed on one thing be it shopping, food or a resentment) followed by compulsive behavior (acting out on my obsession by going on a shopping spree, overeating or acting out on my resentment over another)... I might not end up using while indulging in these behaviors, but I do end up releasing the disease of addiction within me all over again when I fall into this obsessive-compulsive thought pattern. And that for me means a relapse nevertheless, at an emotional and spiritual level. In fact, relapsing by using in the past made it clearly evident what was wrong, but relapsing at the mental, emotional, social or spiritual level is so disguised that it keeps me concealed from the seriousness of the situation where my disease tells me that I'm ok as long as I don't use (Denial at it's best)...

The consequences of such a deceptive acting out on my addictive self are sometimes more disastrous than using itself. This is how my disease manifests itself, through patterns that are hard to identify without the help of a working program on a daily basis. Using was only one most apparent symptom of my disease. In fact, using is only the tip of an iceberg. Addiction runs much deeper. It is within me, not in the snort, fix, drag, sip or a pill... I stopped using a few years back, but I'm never cured of my addiction. Addiction still manages to thrive through every opportunity that it can get... it manifests by merely changing the plaything - from drugs in the past to compulsive spending, overeating, pornography, trying to control relationships, resentments, power, fame, almost anything that it could transform itself into once the drugs are taken off of the equation... Addiction wants me to believe that there is still something lacking, that something is not quite right, a feeling of emptiness and loneliness, a chronic dissatisfaction with self, life and others (this many term a Spiritual Void) that subtly lures me into thinking that maybe if I eat good food or buy great stuff or gain an approval from others or have great sex or gain control or power over someone or something, I would feel more complete and good about myself...

Hi Trudgin, those type of words are hard for me also. We don't use them every day. The main thing is that you are working the steps and have the will to stay clean. I am going to give it another try for real this time. In rehab I did all 12 steps in about 2 weeks, but I just read the book and did what the couselers asked me to do. Now I realize how important the steps are and I am probably on step 3.

Raman wrote:

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Clean byt crazy aint good nuff for a recovering addict,,, so i need to do what makes me serene again,,, so I get back to being clean and serene !!
Its an insane world out there,,,,so to live in the real world and not have the disaese take over my thoughts and feelings,,, I need to watch out when current manifestations become evident !!
So help me God !!!!

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Beautifully and precisely put. I can relate 100% with what you wrote here, Raman. Thanks bro for putting the truth about addiction so simply and precisely. Glad we have you here with us. Hugs and Love.

"Manifestation" in this instance is a symptom of our disease such as denial, isolation etc. as described in our basic text in the very first chapter. Am I isolating today? Am I in denial, such as maybe I'm not really an addict, that I can use just a bit? Am I lying, cheating, stealing, leaching, scamming? Am I rationalizing and justifying my bad behavior? Romancing drugs? On and on...